Abuse does not always leave marks. It can happen without anyone hitting you.
Coercive control is when someone uses a pattern of behaviour to control you. It is a crime in England and Wales under the Serious Crime Act 2015.
What it can look like
Coercive control often builds slowly. You may not notice it at first.
- Checking your phone, messages, or social media
- Controlling the money — not letting you have cash or your own bank account
- Telling you what to wear, who to see, or where to go
- Stopping you from seeing family or friends
- Making you feel stupid or worthless
- Threatening you, your children, or your family
- Using your immigration status to frighten you — for example, threatening to cancel your visa
None of this is your fault. And all of it is abuse.
Why it can be hard to recognise
Coercive control can be confusing. Some of it can look like love at the start — wanting to know where you are, wanting to spend all their time with you.
Over time, it changes. You may feel like you are walking on eggshells. You may feel like you cannot make decisions without asking. You may feel cut off from people you trust.
These are warning signs.
You are not alone
Many women do not realise what is happening to them is abuse. Some feel shame. Some worry about their family. Some have been told it is normal.
It is not normal. And support is available.
Women’s Aid has more information about coercive control and your options.
If any of this sounds familiar, we can help. Our team understands the pressures you may be facing. Everything you tell us stays confidential.
You can also read about the support we offer.
About Project Salama: We are a UK-registered charity providing free, confidential support to people affected by domestic abuse, with a focus on Black, Asian, and minoritised ethnic communities in the UK. Learn more about our work →